Signs of sexuality

Nikolay Lakutin, 2018

It is no secret that the author of short books Nikolai Lakutin many fans. It is also no secret that he does not have a model appearance, but like many of you-once dreamed of popularity with the opposite sex. In this book you will read what its author lives, which allowed his once dream to come true and realized a hundredfold…

Для подготовки обложки издания использована художественная работа автора. Обложка книги разработана автором в дизайнерской программе и является интеллектуальной собственностью Николая Лакутина.

Interlocutor

On the precipice of a high mountain stood a man. His hands were clenched into fists with such force that a slight crackling of the skin on his fingers reached his ears. Eyes his were closed, and only on the edges of the eyelashes wind was fiddling with recent the remnants of tears. Lips frantically shaking, weakly mumbling something barely portable words. Silence consumed all around. There was only the trembling of the young man's clothes rushing in the wind.

What are you doing, Riemann? — suddenly seemed somewhere in the velvet calm authoritative voice.

The guy in amazement he opened his eyes, loosened his fists and looked around, a desolate expanse looked around this place, there was no one.

— Well, it's time, he thought, ignoring the voice came from somewhere a voice — and now my mind is clouded, haunted voices, calling me dal…

The guy took a step to the side of the slope, but suddenly felt a sharp wind, he furiously ruffled his clothes, and then completely blew out spontaneously, not allowing to move the second leg on the edge of a cliff. And again he heard the same commanding voice:

— So I've decided for myself how nice…

The guy stepped back and again looked around, and again could not look anyone. In this remote area in the gloomy windy day there was only one. But the voice sounded the same.

— Don't I think that's it? — asked the young man.

— No, Riman, now your mind bright as ever, and no haze in it not happening, and the thoughts that led you here, they are not true, leave it, come back, you need to many.

The guy retreated a few steps, looked around once more, he knelt down with his arms around his heavy head. Wind smoothly bearing down.

— I decided for myself, and you, the inner voice, after a moment, will be free — thought in response to the guy, stood up again and rushed to the edge, but vzvilsya instantly gusty winds threw it back so that the guy takahashis, barely stood on his feet.

— Do you think that communicate with the inner voice, it is not, again swept along the spill's velvet ears. — When I settled on these lands, neither you nor your inner voice was not in sight, as well as all the others, so listen to the old man, I know more, do not do anything stupid, do not approach your hour, he will overtake you in his time, but not now, not yet time, go…

The voice was not screaming, not whispering, it was calm, even too calm, moderate, imperious, penetrating into the soul, into its very depth, and felt by the whole body.

— Indeed, I have never experienced anything like this before. — Said now already aloud Riemann. — How do you know my name, who you are and why I don't see you?

— Can't you see ' cause you never looked at me, and I know everything about you, even what you do not remember and cannot know yourself. You're talking to the wind, my friend.…

— Why don't you let me jump, what do you care about me? — cried out suddenly somewhere in the distance the young man.

— You can't say anything, I live so much that have learned to understand what people think, besides a variety of your thoughts are not distinguished. Why don't I let you do that reckless thing? What do I care about you? You, my friend, clearly do not realize the greatness of your interlocutor. With you we go through life from the moment of your first breath of air, when you were just born. Every move, every act occurred without my knowledge, Yes, I couldn't and can't affect your mind, this is me not under force, but to adjust the action my sacred duty. No tree in this world has fallen without a reason, no branch has moved in the wind without a cause, no leaf has been plucked from the Bush by me without a reason, I live all life that is on this earth, I am everywhere and in everything, and I know as no one else that your hour has not yet come, come home, Riman.

— Who's waiting for me at home, tell me, who's waiting for me? I was disappointed in this world, the wind, I realized a lot, experienced a lot, and I was lucky and had in my very early years to go through many joys and experience a lot of grief. I realized the price of false friendship, penetrated into the account of the truthfulness of love, in the relationship of a guy and a girl who cool down with time, and fade in family ties, forming affection, not love, I worked a lot where, worked a lot. I worked for people, people worked for me, I have lived more than one life in my young years, but in none of these lives I did not know the joy and wisdom of creating myself in this world, I did not find myself, I do not need this world, maybe I needed before, maybe I will still be useful, but another time, let me go, wind, let me fulfill my plans.

For some time the wind fell, as if giving the guy time to think about everything again, but then screamed again, picking up the elbows boy:

— I see you do not fully understand the meaning of what I said and come back will take a little time, you'll know that I was wrong, still feel the taste of life and take it for granted, now is not the time, Riemann. Do not rush things, do not ask too many questions to yourself, you will get answers to everything, the time will come, but this world needs you, the world that rejects you, at the same time, needs you, everything is life, and all the laws in it are identical. You understand, you understood the ordinances of the relationship between people in the world everything happens under the same scenario, this dance of life, accompanied by songs, dances, falls and victories, one sang, one organizer who really appreciates their principles very clearly follows them and does everything methodically, all in good time. Take your time, son, go home, think about it, and you'll know you wanted to make a big mistake.

— You said we are all living side by side that is able to correct events, why do you let me whip his relentless scourge, who through the body of a tormented soul? Why do you allow many to do those things, such as you do not allow me to do now, you are hypocritical, wind, you said that the principle is the same, all the same as people, give way, wind, part, and I will do what I decided…

The guy last of all the forces rushed to the edge, and made the final push, breaking through the wind, blown off his feet from the slope, and looking into the blue distance, closed his eyes, moving his hands like a bird, felt it as his body hovers in a strong wind and falling, beating on the ground…

***

— Are you going to face off? came the voice somewhere in the distance, the wind died down, everything seems to have stopped.

— Well, that's all, I wondered where the free minds of the young guy. He could hardly open his eyes to see where he was now, who had received his wandering soul, but was stupefied to see himself on the same side of the mountain. The head was strongly turned, with cheekbones dripping blood, half body ached from injury on stony ground. The wind again threw him back from the cliff, while strongly pressed to the ground, so that the understanding of what was happening did not come immediately.

— I thought I already crashed, I flew so long.…

— Relative time unit, said the wind somewhere already very close, — you do not need to test me, do you think that the element is able to levitate at home and heavy freight trains can not cope with the weight of your body, naive…

The boy stood up, and felt the handkerchief in his pocket and began to wipe the blood from his face.

— Yes, I do not allow many to leave this world before the deadline, but I do not keep everyone, because I am only part of the system, just like you. But do you know how many times I have warned people of danger, how many times I have curled the weeds of the road to those people whose path lay to death. How many times I fell trees, blocking paths, broke roofs of houses and ruined farms for the sake of one unique purpose, to detain people, not to allow them to make, to go, to make that it isn't necessary to do. But not once in my life have I heard gratitude from people for saving their lives, for saving their children's lives. Here and now, you sit and scold me, I hear your thoughts, you in indignation, but I got used to injustice because ignorance of a full picture of the events doesn't allow you — people to make the correct decisions, to draw the correct conclusions, to thank and enjoy life.

Guy kept quiet. He wiped the blood, examined the bruises on his knee, tried to get up, but his legs reluctantly obeyed. And, finally, when the wind was very verse, the guy could straighten up, stretched his arms upward, stretched, arched back, down the rocks and quietly asked:

— Then, four years ago, I unloaded cars on pier, on the top deck broke off slings, and the container filled with goods with a roar fell in several feet from me. Although judging by the trajectory, he had to cover my head. This incident wasn't a Fluke?

You're right, it was not an accident, what's more this action was deliberate, but the perpetrators are long paid, and the container I handed offset by only a couple meters… if you remember, what was the wind that day?

The young man lowered his gaze. He looked at his feet for a long time, then got up and went home, limping on one leg.

— Do you remember our old house with a veranda and a flowery garden? he suddenly turned to the wind. There was no response. The young man stopped, looked around, and saw how far away the wind had dispersed the overcast clouds, and suddenly the rays of the sun began to break through, and the sky was cloudless, and a smile shone on the face of this young man, who had just been disappointed in his life.

— In that garden, Ryman, here you also smiled when he ate from plates of juicy plum, ' said the wind. — I was everywhere with you, and remember everything, and after school when you came back in a bad mood due to low marks, I tickled your brows, and in the fall I accompanied you for encouraging strong winds, but you were just wrinkled his face, as much as I tried to smooth on your face a smile, how many years have you felt a light breeze in the morning in my room, which never get cold, but couldn't find it in nature, as drafts in your room. I'm with you everywhere, Riemann, remember that, and do as your heart tells you, not your mind…

After that Riemann did not hear any speeches, he calmly walked home, inspired by and filled with the greatest sense of support. Once again he stopped, turned around, looked at the distance the wind hides the sun behind the rare clouds and said:

— Thanks you, wind…

In response, like breathing, a light touch is felt in the hand of the young man.