Я на тебя смотрел

Александр Шмырин, 1975

Волнения юности. Наивные и искренние, они пленяют нас своей простотой и искренностью. И пусть прошло много лет, но это свежее, непривычное для нас, взрослых, видение мира, своих ощущений и переживаний пленяет своей добротой и открытостью.

Поэма о первой любви

What a day! A

beautiful day! The

soul sings.

Oh my God!

How easy it is to live!

People, look around.

The sun is all around.

The sun.

And the air is clean.

I'm glad.

I'm glaring at people.

Into the trees.

Into the air.

I wink at the sun.

Flirting with the wind.

Memories are like bees

Bustling buzzing

And build

Lived episodes

honeycombs.

And how long have I lived?

I asked myself involuntarily.

Quite insignificant.

And thoughts fluttered

And the breeze came in waves

Refreshing

Caressed

Calming

Me.

Oh, Tomik, I remembered you!

My first love and deity.

I loved you

Pushkin would say

Idolized

I would say.

I was immersed in magic.

The Magical World

Tomka gave it to me

And inspiration, pathos and love.

And Tom is going through everything

And she throws timid glances after him.

Poor Tamarka doesn't know yet.

That I love her.

I worship.

But I'm not coming yet.

I repent.

I'm embarrassed of her.

I love platonically

Purely poetically.

Or maybe I 'll come up

Everything happens in the world.

While we're just

riding with her

By bike.

I like this kind of love

We ride, we laugh loudly

And she gets upset

Poor girl.

But I won't find

the words until I dare to approach her

Don't say the word love to me

Better later.

Everything is still ahead.

Come on, it's hot enough

Write about love.

My favorite Tamarka.

I'm sorry.

It's hard for me

no matter how good.

16 years already.

And I'm still nobody.

I will be 17 years old soon

And what could I do?

And what have I done?

What feat have I accomplished?

Why have I lived for 16 years?

There are rays of

dreams in my soul

In the midst of the darkness of loneliness

Psychology of throwing

Creative writing.

How naive I was

And how funny he loved

Yes, I've changed a little now.

I don't have many friends.

I was too strict with them.

How naive I was.

But I said goodbye to her.

We will gain wisdom over the years

Let 's leave naivety in youth

We will find friends and comrades.

We fully know life.

Here is man and here is nature

Light, rays, rustling leaves.

Of course, from year to year

You and I will be better.

It was a year ago with Tamarka

I've matured more this year

And my view is already unclouded

I see the world more and more clearly.

Not only the first love

Able to ascend with inspiration

Not only the first love

Capable of leaving with bitterness.

Not only the first love

Capable of hurting and forgiving

With him into the eternal past

Take away a piece of the heart.

I fell in love

It's completely different

Quite, quite

Not like a boy

My dear toy

I fell in love with a beautiful beautiful

Another

I don't know whether to cry with bitterness

Or to rejoice in a new luminary

And is it really possible?

Suddenly fall in love with another?

She is closer and understandable to me

And the voice is trembling beckoning

It sounds so gentle and pleasant

Wrapping velvet around me.

I don 't know whether to cry bitterly

All conscientiousness will be excused

After all, a year ago I loved Tamarka!

Or did I just change? I

draw

her and send greetings in my thoughts

Pigtails apron is just a mystery

And I listen to her answers

Beautiful in physics.

But still I won't forget you

My first look, my Tamarka.

Thanks to you, I wanted to be

As romantic as Petrarch.

Thanks to you, the diary appeared

I wrote a lot of impressions there.

You are Tomka my life-giving spring.

I learned my first love with you.

Bicycles, summer, laughter

Wonderful magic rays

Today I am a student. I've grown up.

I'm sorry.

I haven't forgotten you.

And I won't forget to death.

That the first love was.

And that there will be no such thing.